There
is this part of military life at the end of each assignment where you
don't exactly fit. Local friends have started to pull away. If you
have a job in the community you can no longer commit to it. Your mind
is half at the current duty station and half in the future, even when
the future station is not even solidified.
It's such a lonely place. Maybe it's just me, but my mind starts to play tricks on me. I know at my previous base, I blew up at my friend Amber Meade. This time, it's been at Bekah. Who I hope to God is completely innocent, but my brain or heart is in self protect mode. Going after the one person I had complete trust in and pushing them away.
I tried to remember if I had this at all when we left Langley, but I guess because I was newly married, 6 months pregnant, in school and near family it was not as bad. I had resolved to being a SAHM in Germany. That was going to be my identity, I was going to be a new mother.
However, here I am neither here nor there. My kids are bigger and need me less. I'm working as a gardener at the Home Depot just to keep busy.
In the past week I have gotten a new car even, traded in my lease and yet I still feel sad....empty...lonely. I'm slightly terrified of being close to my mom, some days we get a long great and other days I feel like the squirrels mean more. (She rehabs baby squirrels)
Tis life
Ready for my last PCS!
It's such a lonely place. Maybe it's just me, but my mind starts to play tricks on me. I know at my previous base, I blew up at my friend Amber Meade. This time, it's been at Bekah. Who I hope to God is completely innocent, but my brain or heart is in self protect mode. Going after the one person I had complete trust in and pushing them away.
I tried to remember if I had this at all when we left Langley, but I guess because I was newly married, 6 months pregnant, in school and near family it was not as bad. I had resolved to being a SAHM in Germany. That was going to be my identity, I was going to be a new mother.
However, here I am neither here nor there. My kids are bigger and need me less. I'm working as a gardener at the Home Depot just to keep busy.
In the past week I have gotten a new car even, traded in my lease and yet I still feel sad....empty...lonely. I'm slightly terrified of being close to my mom, some days we get a long great and other days I feel like the squirrels mean more. (She rehabs baby squirrels)
Tis life
Ready for my last PCS!
