Packers a day early

The packers came a day early, I was so not prepared.  I've decided the whites/socks will just get packed up in a box on their own lol.  I got the rest of the laundry finished though.

I'm nervous about the drive....but feel very comfortable with the family renting the house.  Shoot, I think if I had met her outside of renting it to her we'd be decent friends.

6 days and counting

In 6 days my life will be packed up...well not just my life, but hubbys and my boys.  The boys however are excited to be close to their grandparents.

Looking forward to getting season passes to Busch Gardens, but also learning that buying one for my single self was not so scary, but for the whole family!!!  Ouch!!!

Virginia

We settled on a place.  I'm pretty excited and nervous.  I will have nearly two weeks in Alabama without furniture and two boys.  I'm not excited about this, but it's a necessary evil lol.  My last day at Home Depot is May 26th.  I can't believe this is all really helping.

We have a direction

So...the GS system takes forever but we've finally heard from Town!  We've settled on living in an area called QL and have our eye on a house there.  What a crazy ride it has been.

Stress has been a bit high.  It seems every 2-3 days I start to have a complete panic attack about the move and how everything is going to go down.  I really hope we get a start date this week so we have a better idea of the time line.

We are still deciding on whether to have him start June 1st or June 15th.  I just know I am here til the 7th because I am a doula back up, unless this momma delivers before my fellow doula goes out of town.

The email

Monday I got a text from hubby at work stating that NASA contacted him.  Here we were, ready to go to Virginia.  I always said if NASA calls it trumps Virginia, but otherwise I've been pretty anti-Florida.

He has an interview in person this week. 

Pro's

• it's NASA
• great schools
• It's close to the beach
• It's close to disney
• It's great for doulas and CPM/CNM's
• umm it's NASA

Cons

• I won't be close to family...again
• Cost of living???  Though I don't think it's much more then Virginia
• My mom will be pissed

My frist time using Tricare Prime Retired

Today was not the day I envisioned. I got up ready to tackle soil and mulch and pine straw, help build gardens, assist older ladies and gentlemen and get my steps in for the week! I even pack a self care bag to take to work with me the night before, sun hat, sunblock, snacks, Mio for my water...etc. I drank a little bit of coffee, clocked in and set to the pine straw to bring some up to the front for customers who only wanted one or two. As I dragged it across the parking lot I started to feel the spasm, so I grabbed a bottle of water and started chugging it. It continued to strength so I started to power walk to the break room, running into the supervisor on the way out....he was telling me the plans for the day and I actually said I can't focus right now, kidney stone, and sped off. I hate this, I dunno if it's the old air force in me but I don't like to seem unreliable at all. I'm always early to work and ready for instruction. I sat in the bathroom for ten minutes as what felt like contractions radiated around my kidney...it's like a clenching pulse. I was so thankful that there was no one else in the bathroom. I hate tears streaming down my face and I was moaning, I went into self doula mode or something. I was trying to breath it away. It started to die from like a 10+ to about an 8 and I ran out the bathroom right back into the supervisor and asked if I could go home and get some medicine. I thought I had one pill left. He said as long as I don't operate heavy machinery I was okay to come back. Only I didn't have any and it did not pass like I thought it would. I called tricare, I was actually already on the phone with them as I was walking out of work. I got a referral to urgent care, waited 30 minutes and then the doc told me I needed another CT scan and tricare only allows that at ER's so he sent me to the ER. Thank God it was empty and I was back fast. I had an amazing nurse named Jessica who after a pain shot of what I thought was tordol ended up being morphine I chatted up. She was super sweet and stayed with me as I went through this panicky going to jump out of my skin feeling with the morphine. It reminded me of why I want to work in healthcare. The fact she sat with me made such a difference. After a nap, a full bag of fluid, hubby arriving and my brain coming around to thinking mode...it was time to be discharged. The PA tried her best to describe what it was, but I couldn't take it in. It was not a kidney stone, but some sort of slipped disc or a bone spur, I'm not sure. Anyways, hubby asked her how she liked being a nurse and she went on to tell him how much she loved it. The hours are long, but the satisfaction was high. It was like a sign, because my hubby almost seemed to want her to say she was overworked and underpaid, when in fact right out of nursing school you start at 19$ an hour. I think it may have swayed him to understand that it's not the money, it's not the long hours, it's the job satisfaction that makes nurses.

I had a Co-Pay.  It was the first time in 11 years I've had one.  It was weird....but after hearing what normal civilians pay I was happy with it.  Insurance is insane!  I am very happy to have that benefit.  

Limbo Stage

There is this part of military life at the end of each assignment where you don't exactly fit.  Local friends have started to pull away.  If you have a job in the community you can no longer commit to it.  Your mind is half at the current duty station and half in the future, even when the future station is not even solidified.

It's such a lonely place.  Maybe it's just me, but my mind starts to play tricks on me.  I know at my previous base, I blew up at my friend Amber Meade.  This time, it's been at Bekah.  Who I hope to God is completely innocent, but my brain or heart  is in self protect mode.  Going after the one person I had complete trust in and pushing them away.

I tried to remember if I had this at all when we left Langley, but I guess because I was newly married, 6 months pregnant, in school and near family it was not as bad.  I had resolved to being a SAHM in Germany.  That was going to be my identity, I was going to be a new mother.

However, here I am neither here nor there.  My kids are bigger and need me less.  I'm working as a gardener at the Home Depot just to keep busy.

In the past week I have gotten a new car even, traded in my lease and yet I still feel sad....empty...lonely.  I'm slightly terrified of being close to my mom, some days we get a long great and other days I feel like the squirrels mean more. (She rehabs baby squirrels)

Tis life

Ready for my last PCS!